Love/Hate

I am currently on hiatus from one of my favorite activities...running. Why? Simple, I just don't want to do it anymore. Right now I am at the "hate" part of the relationship and in order to get it together, I am taking a break. No running, thinking about running or the lack of running. I am cutting running out of my life starting today and ending Saturday.


By next Saturday I hope to miss it so much that I cant wait to put on my new sneakers. I want to fall and I want to fall hard in love with running. I want to miss it and feel the freedom I used to feel when I ran. No more breaking down, No more saying I cant, No more tears! Only tears of joy for this sport. I will get past this running block I have created for myself...I will. MIND OVER MATTER.

I know I will run on Nov 7th, but I want to feel strong and in love with it.

Till I love it again, my running shoes are officially on break.

Okay, I admit it, I was one of the hundred if not thousands of women that went to see "Eat Love Pray" Friday when it came out. The tremendous trio (Vane, Blondie and I) decided to see the movie together, but only after enjoying some great pizza, I personally wanted to have my own "love affair with my pizza" and we did. I love pizza and like the Blondie said "I don't know what I would do without pizza or cheeseburgers", AMEN and true story to that.

So what does a women in her early 30's think about this movie, on a side note I did try to read the book a while ago and I thought it sucked I could not get through the damm thing to save my life. But I really loved the movie more than the book. I knew we were in for it when the three of us started tearing up through the previews. I thought great, what the hell did I get myself into. My personal review of the movie is I give it two Marathon thumbs up. I enjoyed Julia (yes, we are on a first name basis) a lot and I thought she did an amazing job playing Liz Gilbert. As I watched the movie I thought to myself wow, Liz was not happy being married, she had everything she thought she wanted and just like that she realized she was living someone else's life. Someone else's dream and not her own. The only problem was she didn't know how to get out. What is she to do? She asks for help from the man upstairs, a simple sign (uhm how many times have you done that? I know I have many times over) something, anything. I believe that there are signs everywhere and it really is up to you if you want to / are ready to see them. As of lately, I myself have been in a "is this really what I want for my life" kind of mood. I have some of the same thoughts Liz Gilbert had going on in my own mind. Am I where I am suppose to be? Should I be in NYC? Should I leave? Where is my Javier Bardem ? One of my favorite lines his character says is "you don't need a man, you need a champion" (damm that Penelope is a lucky chick), am I happy or am I just living a life I thought I wanted when I was 23?

For me this movie was amazing because it makes you think. Think about your life and what you really want. Yes, Liz, left her husband and he felt betrayed and hurt but why stay in a loveless marriage? Is that fair to either of them? Yes, she took off for a year away from family and friends and everything she knew I personally think that takes a lot of courage. I know there was a time when I was afraid to leave because I might miss out on something or someone, now I take every opportunity I can to go away just to make sure that I live my life. I think that was the point Liz was trying to make. This is her life. This plan might not work for you but it worked for her, because she did it for herself. When everyone told her not to go and that she was crazy she went anyway and made the change. How many times have we been scared to change because we don't know what is out there? Ever since my cousin passed away at the age of 18 I have made a pact to live my life to the fullest no matter what. Life is way to short to try to plan it out perfectly. You spend so much time planning your life, that in the midst of it, life winds up passing you by. Someone once told me: "Having spent the better part of my life trying either to relieve the past or experience the future before it arrives, I have come to the realization that if I worry about what might have been, I will ignore what is...learning to live for today." From now on, I plan on living by that mantra. Living for today, and living for myself. What is in the past isn't changeable, you can't sit there and wonder how your life would have turned out if you went left instead of right. We all make decisions in the moment because they are what is right for us in that very moment. The only time it becomes the wrong decision is when we feel trapped by it and can't move on past it.

So in retrospect, I have decided that I am going to make a change. Not to sure what it is but I am making moves here and there. To end this post, in the movie the medicine man Ketut said to Liz, "to lose balance sometimes for love is part of living a balanced life", so sometimes when things don't make sense and everything seems out of whack that's when your the most balanced. Well that was my interpretation and at the end of the day that's what is important. My interpretation.

The Bronx.....Here we go again.

The BX Half Marathon is this weekend and here is what I am hoping for:

1. GREAT WEATHER----Running Gods: This is my plea to you: please do not let it be super hot day like Queens. Ideally I would be so happy if we can have weather like we did for the Brooklyn Half where I achieved my PR!! That would be fabulous if you can arrange that...much love, Marathon Madrigal. As of right now this is what the weather is suppose to be like: http://www.weather.com/outlook/events/sports/wxdetail/10028?dayNum=3

2. If I can hit my time of the BK half of 2:15 I would be extremely happy…. False! I would be so EXCITED! I would jump up and down, maybe even do a cartwheel after the run!!
Me crossing the finish line with my PR!!

3. No Humidity...I think that falls under my first point but it is such a strong one that I need to say it again.

4. If it is that hot again...please all men take your shirts off. Sorry, it is what gets me through the run :).

5. On Sunday my friend B-Aponte-B-B-Aponte is running her first Half Marathon lets give it up for her!! Whoot Whoot!!

6. Friends near and far if you're in the area, come out and root for us on Sunday Morning at 7:00 a.m....Yes, I am excited (sarcasm at its best)!

7. Although there are turns and cross-overs, the course is nothing like Queens, which is a positive.

8. One last thing... Please, please, please, no chaffing.

Again, if you're not doing anything, come and cheer us on in the Bronx!
Here is the map:
http://www.nyrr.org/races/2010/hms/pdf/BronxHalfMarathon_Map_2010_new.pdf

Also one last thing: Blondie and I are guest bartending and serving up some delicious drinks @ Choice Bar (380 3rd Avenue btwn 27th and 28th Avenue) on August 26Th. From 6 till your ready to go home. Come support us as we raise money for Team for Kids!



If you would like to donate follow these links:

Alicia: http://www.runwithtfk.org/Member/PublicPage/432

Jackie: http://www.runwithtfk.org/Member/PublicPage/74

Funny Random Post...

The other day a friend of mine, we will call her Bethany,
(I like to add pictures to add to the post)
said to me that maybe going with the safe option in love is the best deal. She brought up a guy she used to hang out with and said maybe she should've stayed with him. I couldn't remember this guy, but I asked her if this was the guy who she kissed and felt nothing with? She reminded me that yes, he was, and said "I felt like I was kissing my brother". I then asked her "Why would you bring him up"? She told me that the guys that she does feel a spark with are usually the douche bags and act like little boys that keep her on her toes, but treat her badly. She reminded me that although those are not the ideal type of men you want in your life, it is what keeps her entertained. I gave her my take on the situation but as I always say, what do I really know? I am a single gal, but come on, what are we supposed to do? Wait around until you figure it out?

Now as a woman, I know how true this is. Usually we love.....well maybe that's a strong word... usually we like those boys that just don't fit with what we want or what we are looking for. They might be a little cuter than your average Joe, but I have realized that the older I get, the more I want to find a man, not a boy, that is going to love me with all my crazy ways and will have my best interest at heart.

As I look back at all my "great loves" I laugh a little, because at one time I thought they were "the one" that if I didn't end up with, I would die, I mean die!! Clearly that did not happen because I am still here alive and breathing. I have learned that there is a reason for everything. Let me explain by running down my list of boyfriends/friends with benefits/etc in no particular order with fake names of course to protect the innocent and not so innocent. Not that they read this, but you never know:

Sal: Broke my heart to the point where I thought I would never come back from it. Three years later, after we had become are friends and I find out he is gay (see what I mean... things happen for a reason).
This is not Sal and his partner but they are just as cute as this couple...hee hee.

Jeremy: High School boyfriend, did I really believe it was going to work out? I mean come on we were both in high school...lol.

Mike: Crazy! I mean crazy! Would show up at my house because he "missed me". Cute at first and then I realized he was way too needy.

Ryan: College friend with benefits....uhmm never a good way to start anything. Hard to be with someone who doesn't know who he.

Peter: In my head he was everything I thought I wanted and I later realized it was more physical then anything else.

The Chef: An older man living a young man's life...still makes me smile when I think of him...always have been good times :)

The Oil Man: Ohh this one hurt my ego a lot. I won't lie. There's no point, right? Really liked this guy but again, things happen for a reason. Currently I don't know what it is but I feel I will figure it out one day and hopefully when I do it really won't matter.

All in all each relationship I have mentioned taught me something, whether I wanted to learn it or not.


Love is not about always being in love and happy. Its about going through ups and downs, finding love in the strangest of places, learning about yourself and how much you really can love another human. My love life may not be the best because…. Hello?! I am still single, and I am enjoying my life but I do realize that I want to find the love of MY life and I know I will...soon.

Someone once said... "Someday, someone is going to walk into your life and make you realize why it never worked out with anyone else"...so true.

A couple of weeks ago I was talking to a friend about his wife and how he knew, and what he told me is what I wanted to hear. He said "I saw her and instantly I knew. I knew she was the one for me and I knew I had to make her my wife". He also said he was happy he meet her at work because had he met her at a club he it might not have worked. Yes, they did get married and they are very happy. I guess it is true, a guy really knows when he sees the woman he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

On a running note....I will be running 14 miles alone on Friday morning so if you're interested let me know! ;) Here is a picture of Vane and I running at Van Cortalnd.