Oh Paris, Oh Paris, how you have scorned me. You all have read how Paris has been the hardest race for me to date and I guess I still haven't gotten over it. Its been a little over a month and when I enter the corrals to start a race, my stomach turns into knots and I literally want to curl up into a ball and just lay there still and motionless. I didn't realize how bad Paris hurt my running ego, but it really did quite the number on it. When people ask me how Paris was, the first thing out of my mouth is "Terrible, I hated it with a passion". The truth is that for the first 20 miles it was a great race, but dammit those last six point two. I cant get those out of my mind. Since I have been back, I have done two races. One was the shameful 4 miles, and the Healthy Kidney 10k. With both, I didn't feel as comfortable as I should have.
I know that I have hit a mental wall, maybe even a physical wall. How do I get over it? At the Healthy Kidney run, Vane and I spoke to two elite runners and Vane told them about her experience in Paris which was also bad. Then the runner asked "Well why was the race so hard"? Vane responded "Because I was injured". The runner looked at her and said "Why did you run"? It was like the messiah himself came down and shed light onto our little running feet. Then I asked the other elite runner how to get over a bad run, and he said "You just do". You leave it behind. Sometimes you have good days, sometimes you have bad days. You just need to leave them behind. When Vane and I walked away we couldn't get over the simple sentences that these elites had shared with us.
But as much as they are simple, they are still very hard to overcome. I need to get over my mental hump I have the Brooklyn half tomorrow and I want to do well. NO, not well…. I want to do AMAZING! I know I can do this I just need to get over the fear that I have. The fear that keeps growing when I put my chip on my shoe, when I enter the corrals. I need to leave them behind and Brooklyn will be the place where that happens.
My goal for this half is to not let my mind beat me up, not let the walking word enter my thoughts and most importantly, to enjoy this run. Brooklyn was by far my favorite borough during the NYC Marathon and I know tomorrow will be just as amazing.
Vane sent me a blog entry she found about hitting the wall. My favorite line from that is the following: "I wonder if it's possible to imagine drawing a new starting line just when we think we can't muster another step. Some experienced runners say the race doesn't even begin until mile 20...until the wall. Thats when you really find out what you are up against, and in that same sweet moment, what you are really made of.
Hopefully come Monday I will have a different outlook on running.
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